PEP: Day 1

Roughly 13 hours after last night, I was in the waiting room of the GU clinic. For some reason, I decided I'd ask them to call me by number rather than name this time. Don't really know why. I guess I just didn't want them calling out my full name in front of everyone. Turns out that was a pretty unfounded worry. Being a drop in patient, I wasn't high in the list of priorities. By the time my number was called, there was no one else in the waiting room.

This was a new doctor, or at least not one I saw the last four times I visited (for my first ever check up, then following appointments to check out the results and get shots for Hepatitis B). Things didn't go too smoothly when the first thing I said involved me mispronouncing PEP. I figured it was 'pee-ee-pee' but apparently it's just 'pep'. But stumbling over words aside, I got the point across. She showed me a little chart, conveniently right in front of her, listing the different activities and whether PEP is recommended in those situation. According to her, the city I live in isn't considered a high risk area. If I were living in Manchester or Brighton, she would be 'pouring PEP down your throat' as soon as the words were spoken. I left out the detail that I had fucked him as well. I honestly don't know why. I guess I was feeling bad enough about myself as it was, I didn't need to be admitting to anything more.

First they wanted to do a rapid test to make sure I didn't already have HIV. Which I was kind of glad about, because I wanted to get tested again anyway. My last one came back negative, but I couldn't help but worry about the chance of them missing something. But before that I had to speak with another staff member. I wasn't really in much of a mood to talk a whole lot, when the chance finally arrived. At least 85% of the time was spent with my head in my hands, and when I did speak it was barely a whisper. But again, I got the basics out. Wasn't planned, wasn't what I really wanted, but just couldn't stop it from happening. The closest I got to that arm around the shoulder I wanted was when he cleaned my finger to take the blood for the rapid test.

He tried to reassure me about the possiblility of having caught it. There's only a small chance anyway, it depends on the viral load of the guy (if he even had it), PEP helps in about 80% of cases. It was a different picture to the catastrophe I had painted in my head. Asked a bit about my mental state. Can I talk to someone about it. Go see my GP if it really gets to me. I opened up a bit more, but still kept whispering.

I waited around for about 30 minutes which the doctor dealt with someone else. I had a urine sample in a vial in my jacket pocket, the first piss of the day. Last time I was tested they kept asking if I had urinated already. So I used the vial from a chlamydia test they sent out to young people under 25, 2 years ago. I don't know if it was still any good, as far as preserving the sample was concerned, but I tired anyway. And didn't need it. I had to go all the way there and all the way home with a vial of piss in my pocket. That's as fun as it sounds. (Unless you're into that, I guess.) They wouldn't be doing these tests for another two weeks, to give any infections chance to show up.

The male staffer was back with the results of the rapid test. Negative. It was some relief to hear that. Not much of one, though. But this meant I could get PEP if I still wanted it. The doctor came back with another little chart, showing the risks of contracting HIV from various activities and from different groups. Recieving anal sex without a condom was about 1/2800 (except in London, where it's 1/1100). Topping was 1/52000 (I think 1/30000-odd in London?). Mainly 0.0X% of a chance, if not 0.00X%. But still. People defy odds all the time. The guy earlier mentioned thinking that 'you're going to be the unlucky one' and he was absolutely right. I didn't want to take my chances with it.

Before I got the tablets, I had more blood taken. Three lots, to run the standard sexual health tests and other more mundane ones. Third new staffer, a young nurse. She was pretty chipper about all this. It was a nice change from the gloom I had left myself in all night and morning. Kept asking if I was alright with the tourniquet, if I wanted to look away, to say if I started feeling faint. I've seen enough of my own blood not to be fazed by it. I actually rather enjoy watching it. Bit weird, I know. I wouldn't mind having the chance to actually test it myself, check it out under a microscope. But even just looking at it, I find interesting. Lucky that, considering I will be seeing a whole lot more of it in the weeks to come. She left in the same buoyant manner she entered in. Carrying a tray of my blood.

The doctor was back to explain the tablets to me. Turns out there is two lots of tablets, containing three drugs in total. The first is taken once a day, and the second twice. Have to be taken around the same time each day. Another, different nurse brought the tablets in. In addition to the two main ones, there is also medicine to help alleviate the side-effects. Together with the other meds I am currently taking, this means three pills at noon and four at night without the auxiliary pills. Five a day. Not feeling great about this, but it's only for a month.

I only have five days' worth now. I go back on Monday to see how I'm coping with them, and if I'm alright I'll get the full month's worth. Then I will have to go back each week so they can test my kidney and liver functions, and again three months after I complete the course for a final HIV test. Schedule looking a lot busier now.

So here's day one, after the first noon dose about two hours ago. I'm not sure if this tiredness is these pills kicking in, or if it's just because I only slept for about two hours last night.