Last Day

Just finished putting the final (possibly) application of the wart cream on. I have an appointment to go back to the clinic on Thursday (stupidly I accepted the first offer and have to be there at 9am—not a good time for someone who has trouble maintaining a regular sleep routine). 

The cream has worked well. The two major areas, the large growth on the head of the penis and the stripe on the foreskin, have decreased in size. The stripe less so, but there is still time. Learnt a few things. I thought warts were solid and smooth, rather than squiggly and sponge-like. Putting the cream on with a cotton bud/q-tip makes it easier to pin point where the cream goes (then I have to roll my foreskin back over it and it ends up spreading anyway). The government are tossers for not approving HPV vaccines for men, even just men who don't have sexual contact with women and thus don't get whatever magical benefit is supposed to arise from that. I might not get cervical cancer from having this, but it's been like 6 months of pain and irritation. 

Now that the warts have reduced in size, freezing them might be an option again. It's mean to be better for smaller warts, and it is only mildly uncomfortable for a short while. Unlike the cream that causes painful immune reactions on any healthy skin it touches, and happens to be touching some of the most sensitive skin on my body. I welcome getting my crotch frozen at this point. 

Have a sex drive again too, which was lacking before. It's not exactly been great having it back. I should have learnt another thing, that wanking might feel nice now but just leads to pain afterwards. But its return is good for other reasons (not being too depressed to have an interest in sex, etc.) even if I'm not quite ready to do anything about it. 

Not ready, but I would like to. I could probably work something out. One of those "you don't touch me, I just suck you off" deals where I get to keep my clothes on. Getting fucked while mostly dressed with the top not messing around with my junk. I would settle for making out and over-the-clothes petting and groping (and maybe some of the first idea). I just wouldn't want to get into explanations about why my clothes are staying on. 

But if someone is offering to suck your dick without anything in return, are there going to be that many men who push the issue? It was my understanding that men generally liked that arrangement. 

(While I haven't been the biggest fan of receiving oral so far in my life, I wouldn't mind that as long as I got to kiss as well. But that's basically my stance for anything remotely sexual, and even not very sexual. I just like making out and I miss it after half a year without.)

Status Update

Spent about 5 minutes stood over the sink watching blood pouring from the largest of the warts after washing it. I'm not bothered about the sight of a lot of blood, and am more happy to see that it's gradually falling apart. But continual bleeding is an inconvenience, so I'm hoping it won't keep doing that.

There are two small patches that have gone sore and blistered. So I will stop using it on the smaller warts until it clears. If it isn't better by Thursday then I might go to the GUM clinic again to get it checked out first before using it on the rest.

In the meantime, it itches all the time and I keep thinking it might start bleeding if the foreskin rubs it too much.

I have managed to have a wank for the first time in a while. Don't know if that was such a good idea all things considered, but it was nice at the time. Except now I want to do it again but really can't right now.

Last night I saw bits of the biggest wart peeling off as I washed it and thought to myself, "fuck, yes!" Normally seeing scales of your flesh coming off your body, and especially an area like that, would be a worrying sight. But after months of watching my dick mutating into a sexually-unusable eyesore, seeing flakes of this bastard disappearing is fine by me. One of the smaller ones has lost most of its mass in the middle, it's just a few bumps around the edge now. Which means that something is working. I'm not really sure if that's a common thing with warts. I've never even had one anywhere else on my body. Got a brilliant spot for my first time. 

I hope and pray almost every spare minute that this treatment will be the one to end it. It stings when I pee because of the piss touching the foreskin, which had gotten really sore just where it would hurt the most when I pee. I could retract my foreskin, but that hurts to. Walking hurts because my cock rubs against my clothes. If I turn onto my stomach while trying to sleep, that hurts too. Sometimes just sitting down starts to hurt and I don't know why. Getting a random erection? Hurts as well. Forget using it to do anything sexual, which is simply a masochistic exercise in seeing how much pain I can endure. So it's no fun these days. 

I wish I was back in the days when the only thing stopping me from having sex was a crippling shyness and poor self esteem. At least I could pee without pain back then. 

Now I'm going to put on today's and hope for miraculous recovery, or failing that a bit less pain and discomfort. 

5 months later, I'm still dealing with these warts. I've started on the cream (Aldara) again, which is starting to hurt again. I don't think I've been using too much this time, but then maybe it's just because I have a lot of areas to treat now. It ends up going on the interior foreskin afterwards, which is bad since that's sensitive. I use it on Thursday, Saturday, and Monday nights so I'm on my two day break right now. I'm hoping it will stop hurting by tomorrow.

Can't even remember the last time I had a wank, because mostly it is just painful and wanking is basically like scratching it. Which I assume isn't helpful (is it ever?), but sometimes it's difficult not to.

I am finding it remarkably easy avoiding situations that might lead to someone wanting to have sex with me, but that has come at the expense of not trying to meet any new and skipping social events. Most of which involve spending the whole night out, which I'm just not feeling like right now. Being reclusive isn't good, but I can use the time to get some work done or accomplish other things. I need to lose weight to be able to fit into my suit for job interviews, for one thing. Which would have the added benefit of losing weight and thus being more attractive in the eyes of wider society.