But it has meant I've abstained from having sex. And it's not for lack of offers, for a change. I've just had to try to brush them off without saying the real reason. Which might have spoilt my chances with some. There is this stocky/husky lad who wants to be fucked. Hot, sweaty sex in a hotel, or failing that a blowjob on a dark street. I have been leading him on for nearly a week, so he might have lost interest.
***
On Saturday I met with a friend and T.N. (I am wary of calling him a 'friend' now) at a pub. There was supposed to be some kind of music event going on (in the end it turned out that they'd got the date wrong). When I got there, there was this guy I'd never seen before sitting with them. I figured this was a friend of my friend. He seemed really pally with him, but later on he was pally with some strangers at the next table. Afterwards I found out he wasn't a friend of anyone I knew, he was just a guy who was really drunk and sociable.
He wasn't bad looking. Just over 30, with blond hair and really nice blue eyes. When I sat down at the table he was talking about the night before. He had gone to a party, made out with a guy, got really drunk and woke up in another part of town missing his shirt and wearing his jumper inside-out. He was out this afternoon 'topping up' before hosting a party himself that evening. The first thing he said when I sat down was that I had nice teeth. "Don't let anyone tell you you need braces." (I had one in my early teens, which is why my top teeth are straight now.) Then he complimented my beard, complaining that his wasn't as nice. Told me I had nice eyes. Kept on tell me (and T.N.) to relax and laugh. T.N. revealed afterwards that he did not like the experience at all, but I wasn't bothered. Not relaxing is just how I am at the moment, something I need to work on and change. I wish I could be more like this drunken dude randomly striking up conversations with strangers as if he's known them for years.
Eventually, the conversation turned towards sex. I had assumed the guy was gay, having made out with a bloke the previous night and giving me little compliments throughout the afternoon. That is, until he mentioned a girlfriend to the men at the next table. Followed, upon his return to our table, by talking about having sex with men. Specifically the ones there. Who that would be jumped around a bit, but eventually settled on me. But then, I had been the recipient of a lot of little bits of flattery over the course of this drinking session. And a quick peck on the mouth at one point. From that point on, his sights were solely on me. Commence repeated badgering for sex.
Not just sex, though. He has this women, at his place right now. Her biggest fantasy is to watch him get fucked by a man, he said. And he wanted me to be that man.
I had seen blood on my cock minutes before I left the house. I wasn't in the mood for having sex. But I was kind of tempted. There was a bit of appeal to it. Or rather, him. The prospect of the woman didn't fill me with much excitement. I'm not one to be completely disgusted by the idea of sex with a woman, I just don't find myself drawn to the idea. If I did it, it would be out of curiosity as to what it's like. That's it. And I wasn't feeling all that curious that day. The promise of her giving me 'the best blowjob of my life' didn't sway me. (If I were to have sex with a woman, I would try to at least go for the things you can't get from or do to a guy.)
We left the pub, and he came along. I had to hold him up at one point, and stop him from opening a rubbish bag in the street. Apparently we were on the way to a department store. I wondered why, but later found out the reason was to ditch this guy. I'm kind of assuming it was all T.N.'s idea; I can't remember exactly who suggested going there, but he did mention wanting to go there a couple of times and he didn't like this guy. Outside the store it was time to say goodbye to Drunk Stranger here. Except he wasn't going to go without a fight. I stood with him in the middle of the avenue, the other two waiting by the door of the department store. T.N. shouting my name a couple of times, which was kind of annoying.
"The best sex of your life. It'll be amazing. How can you say no to that?"
His main tactic was asserting that it would be the best sex of my life; me, him, and this woman who was very 'nasty and filthy'. He dangled his keys in front of me. His keyring was a capital D studded with diamonds (I'm guessing they weren't real), trying to lure me back to his by waving this in my face. But I wasn't having sex that day, what with the bloody bumpy cock and all. Plus it felt awkward to leave people like that. I've done it before, gone home with people, but I had gone out solo on those occasions. Now I was with people properly, and my name was being called. So I made my apologises and said my farewells.
Over the course of the afternoon T.N. kept referring to the guy as a 'tramp'. That started to grate on me. To be honest, a lot of his behaviour is starting to. But that just seemed unnecessarily bitchy and mean-spirited. Once my friend left it was just me and T.N., who wanted to go for another drink. I declined, my head was hurting a bit and I try to avoid drinking alone with him. While I waited for my bus home, he started talking about how he wanted to have me as his boyfriend last year. And that he would like to have another go at it. He's in a more stable place in life now. He was a bit of a mess before, but it'd be better this time. This was a bit of a shock, as he had said previously that he knew it wasn't going to happen. That he should look for a boyfriend. (Don't fucking look to the man who already spurned you, that's a good first step.)
He should have held on to that realisation that it wasn't going to be, because nothing has changed.
But perhaps slightly, it has. For the worse. My friend sent me a message a few days later, saying he was sorry if he had offended me on Saturday. I had no idea what he meant, but that is what T.N. had told him. When I asked T.N. directly what made him say that, I got some rambling replies back that didn't make sense. I pray that he doesn't have to write any kind of important documents, because his ability to express himself with words is abysmal. My friend's replies, though, made a lot more sense.
T.N. just doesn't want anyone else near me. He's jealous, so he tries to get others away. He's obsessed with me. He says he just doesn't like how my friend always brings certain things up, but that has nothing to do with me. He talks about how this friend antagonises people. Badmouthing people I appear to like is something T.N. seems fond of. He wants me to have something special with him, he talks about there's 'respect between us' and how important our relationship is. I don't know what relationship he sees that is so important. I feel more like his companionship is forced on me at this point.
T.N., said today when I saw him that my friend had sent him a bunch of text messages, saying often that I'm "not [T.N.'s] boyfriend." Although I didn't, I wanted to smile when I heard that. I've known this guy for less time than T.N., but already he's closer to me than he is (he's also more fun to be around). I'm more comfortable talking to him about these things than I am even making bland small talk with T.N.. I told him that I didn't like the way T.N. always starts talking about me being his boyfriend when everyone else is gone, how he's pressured or pestered me into sleeping with him. I would tell him more but T.N. is naturally around all the time, and even him just being there stops me from talking much. I want to talk about other stuff. Like how I hate the way T.N. will say one thing publicly and do another privately. He said publicly he doesn't like rimming because he finds the idea of it unpleasant; he actually does like it, which I had to find out first hand (even if I didn't want him to do it). He made a disapproving remark about bareback porn, yet he tried to fuck me bareback without even discussing it (again when I didn't want to have sex with him, and thankfully he didn't get to).
A couple of months back, some guy in a club started walking up to me and kissing me during the night. He actually had a thing for T.N., to his displeasure. He also forced a kiss (and grope) on T.N. on the same night. Later everyone had to hear about how awful that was. Oh, how terrible. To have someone you're not interested in pushing themselves on you like that. Who would do such a thing?
This was followed by him badmouthing both that guy, and his hot friend I made out with afterwards. Of course.
***
T.N. is always asking me if I want to stay at his house for the weekend. To 'chill out'. As if that will happen. I cannot think of a situation I am less likely to feel chilled out in that trapped in a house with him for a weekend.
My friend suggested that I tell him I'm seeing someone. While it would be nice for that not to be a lie (and there are two or three guys I'm interested in), I might have to make do with telling some untruths for now until he accepts it and moves on.
We left the pub, and he came along. I had to hold him up at one point, and stop him from opening a rubbish bag in the street. Apparently we were on the way to a department store. I wondered why, but later found out the reason was to ditch this guy. I'm kind of assuming it was all T.N.'s idea; I can't remember exactly who suggested going there, but he did mention wanting to go there a couple of times and he didn't like this guy. Outside the store it was time to say goodbye to Drunk Stranger here. Except he wasn't going to go without a fight. I stood with him in the middle of the avenue, the other two waiting by the door of the department store. T.N. shouting my name a couple of times, which was kind of annoying.
"The best sex of your life. It'll be amazing. How can you say no to that?"
His main tactic was asserting that it would be the best sex of my life; me, him, and this woman who was very 'nasty and filthy'. He dangled his keys in front of me. His keyring was a capital D studded with diamonds (I'm guessing they weren't real), trying to lure me back to his by waving this in my face. But I wasn't having sex that day, what with the bloody bumpy cock and all. Plus it felt awkward to leave people like that. I've done it before, gone home with people, but I had gone out solo on those occasions. Now I was with people properly, and my name was being called. So I made my apologises and said my farewells.
Over the course of the afternoon T.N. kept referring to the guy as a 'tramp'. That started to grate on me. To be honest, a lot of his behaviour is starting to. But that just seemed unnecessarily bitchy and mean-spirited. Once my friend left it was just me and T.N., who wanted to go for another drink. I declined, my head was hurting a bit and I try to avoid drinking alone with him. While I waited for my bus home, he started talking about how he wanted to have me as his boyfriend last year. And that he would like to have another go at it. He's in a more stable place in life now. He was a bit of a mess before, but it'd be better this time. This was a bit of a shock, as he had said previously that he knew it wasn't going to happen. That he should look for a boyfriend. (Don't fucking look to the man who already spurned you, that's a good first step.)
He should have held on to that realisation that it wasn't going to be, because nothing has changed.
But perhaps slightly, it has. For the worse. My friend sent me a message a few days later, saying he was sorry if he had offended me on Saturday. I had no idea what he meant, but that is what T.N. had told him. When I asked T.N. directly what made him say that, I got some rambling replies back that didn't make sense. I pray that he doesn't have to write any kind of important documents, because his ability to express himself with words is abysmal. My friend's replies, though, made a lot more sense.
T.N. just doesn't want anyone else near me. He's jealous, so he tries to get others away. He's obsessed with me. He says he just doesn't like how my friend always brings certain things up, but that has nothing to do with me. He talks about how this friend antagonises people. Badmouthing people I appear to like is something T.N. seems fond of. He wants me to have something special with him, he talks about there's 'respect between us' and how important our relationship is. I don't know what relationship he sees that is so important. I feel more like his companionship is forced on me at this point.
T.N., said today when I saw him that my friend had sent him a bunch of text messages, saying often that I'm "not [T.N.'s] boyfriend." Although I didn't, I wanted to smile when I heard that. I've known this guy for less time than T.N., but already he's closer to me than he is (he's also more fun to be around). I'm more comfortable talking to him about these things than I am even making bland small talk with T.N.. I told him that I didn't like the way T.N. always starts talking about me being his boyfriend when everyone else is gone, how he's pressured or pestered me into sleeping with him. I would tell him more but T.N. is naturally around all the time, and even him just being there stops me from talking much. I want to talk about other stuff. Like how I hate the way T.N. will say one thing publicly and do another privately. He said publicly he doesn't like rimming because he finds the idea of it unpleasant; he actually does like it, which I had to find out first hand (even if I didn't want him to do it). He made a disapproving remark about bareback porn, yet he tried to fuck me bareback without even discussing it (again when I didn't want to have sex with him, and thankfully he didn't get to).
A couple of months back, some guy in a club started walking up to me and kissing me during the night. He actually had a thing for T.N., to his displeasure. He also forced a kiss (and grope) on T.N. on the same night. Later everyone had to hear about how awful that was. Oh, how terrible. To have someone you're not interested in pushing themselves on you like that. Who would do such a thing?
This was followed by him badmouthing both that guy, and his hot friend I made out with afterwards. Of course.
***
T.N. is always asking me if I want to stay at his house for the weekend. To 'chill out'. As if that will happen. I cannot think of a situation I am less likely to feel chilled out in that trapped in a house with him for a weekend.
My friend suggested that I tell him I'm seeing someone. While it would be nice for that not to be a lie (and there are two or three guys I'm interested in), I might have to make do with telling some untruths for now until he accepts it and moves on.
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