Well, Pushy Guy just said that he doesn't think we'd need a condom when we fuck tomorrow (the plans escalated to getting a hotel room). That it'd be hot for me to come over his arse. Gone from a date and a cuddle to fucking him bareback in a matter of hours.
It is a question I have come to dread now, do you bareback or not? To make sweeping generalisations here, no pictures and few details on their profile = higher chance of wanting to bareback? In my humble experience that seems to be the case, compared with profiles of guys I've met who had a fuller profile.
And yet for a minute, I found myself considering it. I'd be fucking him in this plan so it's safer, statistically. I know I'm fine so it's no like I'm passing anything on. Maybe it would be no big deal.
But then I think back to last year. To all the trouble and misery it caused me last time, and the realisations I reached. How I'd have to look after myself from now on. Well, this is the time to step up. To make it clear what I want and not be talked into something I don't really want to do.
But instead I have strung him along and asked when he was last tested. It's been 25 minutes since he logged on. Guess the possible implication that I think he's got something isn't much of a turn on and a conversation killer. But this is being responsible, isn't it? If he's not happy with that it's best it all breakdown and end now sooner rather than later. Like when I had already booked a room.
Coming over his arse would be hot. Not going to lie, I'm sure it would be nice. But I'm not really willing to put myself through everything I went through again for someone I've known for a few hours again. It is easier to not worry, just say fuck it and do whatever. But I don't really want to make that compromise. I want to do what's right for me.
Writing this has help me a bit, cleared my head and my thoughts. Maybe this app blogging will be handy. Even if it does mean posting lots of little episodic posts like this.
I remember your post a while ago, where you had sex even though you didn't want to. You were afraid to say no, or for some reason didn't think you had the right to say no.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you've come a long way. At least you understand what you want, and what you don't want, and you NEED to communicate that with your partner, even if you have only known him online for a few minutes.
I'll share with you my sad story, and maybe it will comfort you that you've made the right decision.
My regular buddy let me know he had an STI, in fact Gonorrhea. Turns out, I had it in my throat as well. I'm not sure who gave it to whom, but we both got treated, and I vowed to be much safer in the future.
Then I saw a post on Craig's List, and ended up going over to a hot young guy's apartment, where I found the hot young guy ass up and blindfolded.
Even though I had a rubber in my hand, I played around bare for a minute, and got so excited and caught up in the moment, I pushed in raw, and before I knew it, I was over the edge.
I left and almost immediately felt such a wave of shame, guilt and remorse.
I ran to the STD clinic for testing, but they told me to come back in a week, as the lab results might not show anything, as it had been too soon after potential exposure.
So, I had to wait a week, without hooking up, especially with my trusted regulars. Then the test, and, fucking hell, a bacterial infection in my pee-hole. They gave me a prescription for anti-biotics, which I took and made me nauseous for the rest of the day. I get test results back in a week to see if it's Chlamydia or just a nonspecific urethritis (but sexually transmitted) infection. I have to wait 7 days after taking the antibiotic treatment, before I can have sex again.
My stupid behavior cost me at the minimum, two weeks of not hooking up, at best, and God-know-what at worst.
Why didn't I put that damn condom on???
At least it appears that you are thinking clearly, and while a bare hookup sounds hot, is it really worth it?
Thanks for the comment, and sharing that story. I think I've got a pretty decent knowledge about STDs, but urethritis is something that doesn't cross my mind much. I guess I jump straight to the big scary things that I overlook the others that are more easily treatable but still inconvenient.
DeleteMy goal from now on is to try to consider that whatever you're feeling in the moment, that any potential consequences will be with you after any hook-up is over.
Hope everything gets cleared up for you soon.