Resolutions

Someone sent me a message online asking me what my resolutions for the new year were. I gave a trite (but still true) answer that's probably left the mouths of billions of similarly uncreative people (I couldn't even find a creative post title). Really, I hadn't thought of any. But I have a couple now, relating to the theme of this blog.

#1
A guy sent me a woof on Scruff earlier. I'd seen him online before, but never actually looked at his profile or anything. Not because I didn't like the look of him or anything. But because I thought he was too attractive for me. He's out of my league. He was the one who showed an interest in me, but I am still not sure how I'm supposed to respond. I'm not sure what is going on there.

I wrote about taking compliments before. I'm still not quite where I want to be. I am better now than I was in the past. Other people have said I was hot and it didn't trouble me, I enjoyed it and responded in kind. And not because I thought they were 'in my league'--as in not very attractive--but I was just better at accepting it those times. There's more of those times lately.  So the first resolution will be to keep trying to accept nice things people say without questioning it.

#2
Speaking of people out of my league, there was a guy I was chatting to before Christmas. Initiated by him again, only this time we had spoken before on a different site. He didn't remember, though. He might have been the most handsome guy to show an interest in me ever. Not to say others haven't been attractive or anything, but in terms of type and everything he would be number one. And less superficially, he seemed like an interesting guy and someone I'd like to get to know a bit more.

Yet I've not heard a word from him since. I've sent a couple of messages but gotten no reply. So I have basically 'given up' on him. I don't want to be sending him a load of messages if he isn't interested. Heathcliff told me, I should try to look at the language I use when talking about things. Things like saying 'giving up' or 'I hope' might not be helpful ways to look at things. Instead try not putting judgements like 'I hope this leads to...' and just be more open, 'I wonder where this might go' or such.

Second resolution, not to put big expectations on things early on. I say I don't, but I sort of do. So try to put a stop to that.

#3-4
As with the handsome guy above, there have been plenty others (actually all others pretty much) who seem to be keen and enthusiastic and then suddenly it's as silent as the grave. I know the online world is a flaky place to try to meet people, but surely enough is enough. Maybe this is common and I just haven't experienced enough to realise. But there's the temptation to take it to mean that I must not be that interesting, or attractive, or whatever the fault is. Place all the blame on myself, and not the other person having any responsibility for it.

But even when I do meet up, it usually lasts for two meetings and then it falls apart. And it's easy--for me at least--to think that it must be something I've done, or just something about me, or just me as a whole. And a lot of time I will start going over the situations, while it is still going on, and look at every little detail for clues that it is a disaster. There's little chance of things going well, if you spend all your time thinking about how it's going terribly.

So double resolutions. Third, don't get so hung up on things not leading anywhere and getting really disappointed over it. These things happen, you move on. Easier said than done, but it's what you have to do.

And forth, don't be sitting around picking things apart mentally for signs of something going wrong. Be in the moment and enjoy what's happening (or not, but still be focused on what's going on outside).

#5
A lot of issues about not thinking I'm good enough probably stem from insecurities about how I look. Too much hair on my body, lately not enough hair on my head. I weigh too much, I'm not tall enough, my dick isn't big enough. Some stuff I can change, some I can't. But I think resolution five ought to be learning to accept and like myself more. Doesn't mean I shouldn't try to change the things I can, but accept that even if I haven't achieved those goals yet I still have the right to like myself with imperfections.

#6
To wrap it up short and simple, number six is to be clear about what I want. Not letting people force me into situations I don't want to be in, or to do things I don't want to do. To look out for myself and my interests, my desires and well-being.