Day 20 and Out

Abstaining from wanking lasted about 20 days, as of last night. Which is still the longest I've ever gone without that I can remember.

Still, it was without watching porn which was the main point behind this. Not masturbating was mainly an effort to 'retrain' myself. I had been close to looking at stuff online earlier on, but managed to resist it. I found I didn't really think of anything. It was focused on the physical sensations of it.

To be honest, I have just felt sexually frustrated for ages now and that probably was the biggest reason for doing it. It was a relief, but it didn't actually feel great. At least, not as good as I expected doing it after a period of abstaining would feel. I would have rather done something with another guy, but I haven't exactly felt much like that lately.

I'll probably try again and see if I can last the same amount of time or longer, unless something changes. I am kind of hoping for some change, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up much.

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But either way, the 'no porn' thing was the main thing I was trying to accomplish. I'm happy with myself for sticking with it.

One thing I don't really miss is the whole 'gay-for-pay' thing. As a genre of porn, I don't really get the attraction of straight guys. To clear this up a little because I find hard to explain succinctly, I don't mean attractive guys who happen to be straight. Because God knows I've been there enough times to understand that. But when these guys being straight is the main lure. I get the whole 'tempting a hot straight guy into doing something gay' fantasy, or maybe wanting what you can't have, but when it's all fake I just don't feel it.

And guys who identify as straight doing it for the money. I'm sure not every woman who has had lesbian sex in porn is off playing around with woman in their personal lives. But I don't know, the idea that it's all about the money is something I find off-putting. I'd rather be watching someone who would do the same stuff for fun, than someone you had to tempt with money to get in front of a camera and doing this stuff.

Then there's the ones where guys need to be watching straight porn to do anything with another guy. The sound of porn playing in the background within the porn I'm trying to watch is distracting enough, at least when there's the affected moans of female porn stars (possibly overlapped by affected male moans in the main feature to boot). When that porn-within-a-porn involves some woman screaming and moaning, it really takes me out of the moment. If I was watching a video of men having sex with each other, listening to a woman's sex noises isn't what I was looking for. At least try to edit out the sound from the TV, or try not to include the television in shots. Or find someone who actually likes cock in the first place. That helps.

Although I never saw it myself, I read about some scene involving Patrick Bateman (think that's his name), where he was fucking someone while resting a straight porn magazine on the guy's back. I know everyone has their own things they find sexy, but to me that has just crossed over the line into "time to turn this off now" territory. Even if it was just part of the story of this scene that he was straight or something (don't know his actual orientation, not bothered enough to look it up), it feels really tacky to me.

But as a wider overall genre, I don't understand the appeal of 'I'm 100% straight and will always be'. I can find any random guy I don't know hot, whatever sexual orientation he has. But it becomes a lot hotter if I find out he's gay/bi. That they would enjoy the act of having sex with men is a massive boon to the whole experience.