I don't tend to turn people down, even when if I were more confident in myself I might say no based solely on looks. I put a lot of that down to just not seeing myself as that much of a prize, not really being worthy of making judgements about other people's looks.

I don't think every sexual partner I have should be flawless, and have liked people even if they weren't what wider society would call very attractive. But I still don't enforce the tastes or preferences I might have because of the deficits I see when I look at myself.

It's also what stops me from making the first move and approaching someone myself. I wait for the other person to show an interest in me. I leave all the choice in their hands. They're the ones who are going to bless me with their approval (maybe 'pity' would be closer to how it feels sometimes).

So I meet someone I might be interested in, and do nothing at all. Because I've written myself off long ago. This happens in simply social situations as well. I'm wary about going up to someone and trying to make friends with them because I don't feel even that much value to myself.


Part of what's brought this post about is that there is someone who's interested in me. We're got things in common, but physically he isn't really my type. I think not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a decent thing to do, but partly I don't want to turn him down because I don't think I have that right. That I'm not worth enough to hurt someone else.