I have a slight problem admitting to having a side of me that wants to be submissive.
Before I started having sex, I assumed I'd bottom mostly. Then when it actually came to having sex, I end up on top more than anything. It's not something I usually push for, I don't go into meetings with the specific intent of fucking the guy most of the time. To be honest, lately I go more with the slight hope that I'll be the one getting fucked. But it's something I would like to do more for reasons beyond it just feeling good.
Part of it is pride. Having to submit to another man involves, even if it is temporary, being subservient. My pride can get in the way of a lot of things, and this is another case. It's not that I think there's something wrong with being submissive to another man. But there's so many other parts of life where I don't feel like I have control, so there's probably some element of wanting some avenue to be somewhat dominant.
And I guess part of it is also some notion of masculinity, that you're supposed to be strong and the one in charge. Which kind of gets in the way when there's two men involved. Someone is going to 'lose' their masculinity. I remember watching something where a guy (bisexual) said that he wouldn't bottom because it would be like giving up his masculinity. Which I find insulting (and not very nice for the guy sitting right in front of him who bottoms and would be doing so for him; you've basically just called him less of a man while he's sitting right there). I don't usually worry too much about what constitutes masculinity, since it's something that so often changes with history and geography. But that aspect of strength does seems to remain in most (if not all) cases.
Then again, I have a blog that involves a lot of writing about my feelings and worries and weaknesses. Not the most stereotypically masculine trait you could think of for the modern age.
Then again, I have a blog that involves a lot of writing about my feelings and worries and weaknesses. Not the most stereotypically masculine trait you could think of for the modern age.
It goes beyond just who gets fucked. I like to give blow jobs more than I've liked getting them in the past. I guess some of that might be down to body image. Having someone sucking your cock means they're going to be focusing on your cock, which still feels a bit strange to me. But even if I did enjoy getting oral more, I would still like giving it. Because I like making the other guy feel good. I can be satisfied with a session even if I don't come, because the other has and that can be enough.
In a sexual context, I like the feeling of being looked after or cared for. Of pleasing him because I want to, not because I'm being made to. I like being held. And despite what I said about control, I do like a bit of freedom from trying to be in control all the time.
In a sexual context, I like the feeling of being looked after or cared for. Of pleasing him because I want to, not because I'm being made to. I like being held. And despite what I said about control, I do like a bit of freedom from trying to be in control all the time.
(It does depend on who I'm with, though. If they're older or more bearish, I'm more likely to feel like that. If they're more than a year younger than me, I don't feel it.)
This isn't something that goes beyond the bedroom. The 24-7/lifestyle thing isn't for me. I don't want or need someone to be running or controlling my life in that way. It's just a sexual thing. The only time I'd like that outside is in the sense of foreplay, someone taking the lead and being the 'dom' in the lead-up to sex.
'Co-equal' was a word I've seen on another blog talking about it. I don't know much about the jargon for the whole sub/dom scene, but the way I take it, that describes how I feel about it. I don't want to be talked down to or slapped around. The abusive side doesn't do anything for me.
I don't mind if the guy tells me what to do, takes control, even if it's a little forceful. Like grabbing me and moving me around where he wants me. Even if it's pushing or dragging a bit. I get off when a guy is pressing me against a wall. But there has to be some kind of mutual respect.
***
J.C., who I mentioned in the previous entry, kind of prompted this post. I've not meet up with him yet, though I'm looking to soon since my availability has opened up. But a large part of our banter so far has involved me being submissive to him. Sometimes we'll switch it around, but it always starts out with him in the dominant position.
One of the things he talked about was shaving me, hair or beard. The idea does turn me on. And although I've not said anything about this to him, one of the things that gets me off the most is just the idea of him holding my head steady while he's standing over me doing it.
'Co-equal' was a word I've seen on another blog talking about it. I don't know much about the jargon for the whole sub/dom scene, but the way I take it, that describes how I feel about it. I don't want to be talked down to or slapped around. The abusive side doesn't do anything for me.
I don't mind if the guy tells me what to do, takes control, even if it's a little forceful. Like grabbing me and moving me around where he wants me. Even if it's pushing or dragging a bit. I get off when a guy is pressing me against a wall. But there has to be some kind of mutual respect.
***
J.C., who I mentioned in the previous entry, kind of prompted this post. I've not meet up with him yet, though I'm looking to soon since my availability has opened up. But a large part of our banter so far has involved me being submissive to him. Sometimes we'll switch it around, but it always starts out with him in the dominant position.
One of the things he talked about was shaving me, hair or beard. The idea does turn me on. And although I've not said anything about this to him, one of the things that gets me off the most is just the idea of him holding my head steady while he's standing over me doing it.
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