Protracted Illness

After the first week of freezing treatment for warts, I was sick on and off for the next two weeks and couldn't make it to the hospital for the next two treatments. So on the day I was originally told I could have been finished with the treatment, I had to start it over again. Having the flu had the added downside of possibly letting the warts virus replicate so what started as a couple of little bumps on the side of my cock head turned into this mass about an inch across.

So I started another course of freezing, and had the full three weeks. But while it helped at first, after two weeks it was bigger than ever. I went about two weeks after the last freezing, when I was supposed to have a blood test for my hepatitis vaccination, but was told I should have come back the previous week. Either I misunderstood something or they had. Either way, I decided to try another kind of treatment and use a cream. While I was there I had blood taken for a last HIV test, the reason I had the appointment this time.

So now I am about a week into using this cream. It is itching and sore, just as the leaflet I got about it promised.  I've got another three weeks worth of cream to get through and then I'm back at the clinic to see how things are.

This also means that this is another three weeks at least where I won't even be trying to have sex. 

***

Having the flu also lead to me having to endure my brother's usual line of bullshit. Getting told it's 'not normal' to get sick so soon after being sick before (by my reckoning it was a couple of months since the last time, but he was convinced it was only one month ago at most). Getting blamed for 'bringing sickness into this house' because I'm always going places with what he calls 'weird people' (who he knows nothing about, and I'm 99% sure that if I were straight and those people were women, I wouldn't be hearing this). Being asked if there was something weakening my immune system, which is just a roundabout way to suggest that I have AIDS.

I do get sick more than I'd like (my head is hurting right this second), but there are other causes for lowered immunity than AIDS. Off the top of my head, currently I could point out a poor diet, lack of exercise, poor sleep, stress, and low mood as factors in this. I need to make an effort to improve my health. Eat better, exercise, sleep properly, try to make sure my immune system is working normally.

But hearing this shit while I'm still waiting to hear the results of my confirmation test for HIV doesn't help matters. I might realise he's just being a cunt, but being subjected to that for so long is still going to have some effect on how you feel. Not heard back from them yet. No news is good news, since they only contact you if there is something wrong. But at the same time I don't know if there is just a delay and bad news will be coming any day now. Having someone making snide remarks implying I've got AIDS is something (and someone) I could do without.

***

I'm finding it hard to admit to myself, or at least vocalise, that I got warts. Even thinking it in my head, which is all I've been doing. I find myself siding more with 'HPV' just because it has less of an emotive punch than the word 'warts'. I'm not particularly beating myself up for getting it or anything like that, but it still makes me cringe a bit. Writing it brings about the same feeling. I guess it's the sense of shame and embarrassment associated with anything wrong below the belt that exists in society. I wouldn't have a problem saying that I haven't been going out or don't want to have sex because I've had the flu, but it's another matter entirely to say that's because there's warts on my cock (caused by a virus that half of sexually active people carry, that can be caught through just skin-to-skin contact, that like 80% of people will have had at some point in their life, and that is easily treatable).

***

And finally this afternoon, I get a text from a number I don't have registered on my phone. Claiming we met off Scruff the other week and I gave them pubic lice. 'Other week' doesn't ring any bells. For one thing, the only person I've met off Scruff was a guy I had one drink with and didn't get close enough to pass on any lice. I haven't slept with anyone for more than two months. So 'other week' seems a bit strange. I should write down the numbers of people I sleep with even if I don't keep them on my phone. It would help out in situations like this.

Not heard back from them yet. I half wonder if it is someone playing a prank on me, since a friend of mine found me on Scruff a month or so ago. Not least because with all the medical staff who have been looking at my crotch over the past two months, no one seems to have noticed any lice.